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However, people pursue relationships in a variety of ways, often with the knowledge that no one particular relationship style is good or bad.
Some individuals find a monogamous relationship style works for them.
But how many times in my 20 years of dating have I actually met and fallen for two people who were also into each other at exactly the same time? As many folks who read my blog know, it is mostly used as a repository for essays on topics that I encounter repeatedly. Everywhere poly and interested folk gather, I hear the refrain “Why is it so hard for us to find the perfect woman to date us both? Finding one single woman (or man*) to date as a couple is many many many times harder than finding a different partner for each of you.
I've been writing this essay over about three years, adding a tiny little bit every time I see some new person ask the same question, and if you scroll down you'll see it's a pretty long essay. ” often followed up with some sort of comment to the effect of “There's two of us, so that should make it easier, right? And if we look at the finding-a-date process step by step, the numbers will tell you why.
In many cultures, monogamy is still upheld as the ideal structure for committed relationships, but nonmonogamous relationship styles are increasingly being recognized as a valid choice for some individuals.If that's what you're looking for, you may have already heard people tell you that what you're looking for is incredibly rare, and that it's going to be a long hard journey.Most folks just shrug their shoulders at this and say 'that's okay, I'll just keep on looking til I find it.' So I took a look at just *how* rare finding a unicorn actually is, how many you're likely to find in your own social circle, and how long it might realistically take to find someone, as a couple, to fit you both.I think what really works better in the long run is the most banal and obvious advice you’ll ever hear. Oh sure, use the Internet as a tool to meet people of similar interests! Yeah, you’ll have to take some initiative and get your butt away from the computer and facing the scawwy outside, but trust me, it can be fun!Yahoogroups has many local polyamory discussion groups where people meet up in real life. If no local poly group exists in your area, you might want to consider starting one.
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One of B&P's activists is Kevin Patterson of Philadelphia (who runs the Poly Role Models website).